Meditation Chamber
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The spiritual path: Fear of dying and/or going insane. Part 1
This article reflects my own spiritual path this far as well as experiences from other people I have come across who are dealing with the same thing. There is a need for this to be shared among spiritual seekers. This article is meant for those who have been on some spiritual path for a while and are getting deeper into it. All though everyone experiences it their own way, everyone can still benefit from what is being shared.
Enlightenment, nirvana or oneness is something more and more people seek. The most common tool to reach this is meditation and yoga. Another common path is taking the oneness blessing (previously called deeksha) which is a kind of transfer of divine energy or light. Many are not really aware of the hard part that may be ahead and expect everything to be pink clouds and rainbows.
After a while on the path most people start to doubt what they are doing. The blissful state, the love and peace that was initially experienced in a kind of honey moon phase may not be felt inside anymore. For many people this is the end of their search on the current path and a quest for a new path starts. This is how many seekers spend half (if not all) of their lives. Seeking new highs, finding them, becoming disappointed and moving on. Either this happens, or the seeker realize this fact and keeps on the path and sooner or later discovers that all it takes is patience and to keep on the path regardless of what the mind might say.
Dealing with negative feelings
Many know that in order to move on, the inner fears etc must be experienced in some way. All kinds of negative feelings and memories come up to the surface and by staying on the path these negative energy blocks let go one by one. The seeker learns to handle it after a while and gets a great sense of being on top of things, feeling how old problems and fears let go.
The fear of going insane
When the seekers advances and start going deeper he or she may now start experiencing a weird feeling. A feeling that the world somehow isn?t what it seems to be. The seekers may get an insight that turns the world upside down. Suddenly the seeker might see that the source of joy and meaning to life that was taken for granted was only a trick played by the mind. A sense that there is no meaning in doing anything is common. The seeker may become very depressed, but some find it incredibly liberating instead.
Others may start feeling that they ?are on to something big? and that they are about to somehow wake up from a dream (this ?reality? being the dream). Very weird thoughts may come up. To take an example from my own life, one night I thought this reality was a dream, and that the real me was asleep in some kind of chamber in a spaceship. I thought that if I only realized this, I would wake up in the real world and there would be a big celebration. It would be happiness beyond this world that I completed this ?final challenge? and was now forever free. If you have seen the movie ?The matrix?, remember the scene when Neo wakes up in a small tank after taking a pill offered to him by Morpheus? Kind of like that but not as dark and slimy.
Getting back on track: In this phase the seeker will probably realize that the thoughts are very strange and may feel that real insanity is just around the corner. I?m not talking about the usual ?I?m a bit of a nut?-thing that we all feel some times. I?m talking about real serious scary thoughts about becoming one of those insane people we see on TV being locked up in an insane asylum. This feeling can be very scary indeed.
The fear of death
The seeker may feel that something inside is dying and might interpret this as physical death. This is also a very real feeling. The seeker is 100% sure that the final moment has come and gets him or herself ready to die. I don?t need to explain that this is not a nice feeling. This happened to me and I was ready to die. I thought something was wrong with my heart because It felt as though I was having a heart attack. I went to the doctor who did all the tests and told me that what happened to me was an anxiety attack. They offered me anti depressants (I wasn?t depressed) and some other crap (to use the correct word) that was supposed to make be feel good again. Luckily I knew better. I have a friend who at the time studied CBT (Cognitive behavioral therapy). She recommended that I try the therapy. I found a psychologist who had CBT and got started. To make a long story short this changed my life. The next article will be more in depth about this CBT and how it can help people on the spiritual path. This whole experience took away a huge amount of fear in all parts of my life. It changed my life so much that I realized I couldn?t continue doing things I didn?t really want to do anymore. I made up my mind that my life had to change and I started with quitting my job. I now work from home running a website. I feel more free.
I?m in no way any guru. Just someone hoping that my own experience may be of use to others. Keep an eye open for the follow-up article were I will go deeper on how you can handle the toughest parts when or if they happen to you.
Tough times has a reason.
About the Author
/Marcus Knudsen. Inventor of Bliss coded sound - www.xphirience.com
