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Ways To Know That He Still Loves You After Cheating Or Having An Affair
I often hear from women who are trying to pick up the pieces after finding out about their husband's affair or his cheating. The other day, I had a wife contact me who said, in part: "my husband says he's so sorry and that he will end the affair. He says he will do whatever he has to do to save our marriage. He swears that he loves me and never stopped loving me. But, how do I know if he's telling the truth? Obviously, he lied to me about the affair, so how can I trust him now? How do I know if he really still loves me or if he's just trying to save face after cheating?"
These questions are so common. It's hard to know if you can believe anything that your husband says since the reason that you are in this mess is because he was dishonest and he betrayed you. However, I have a definite opinion as to whether you can trust a husband when he swears he still loves you after he cheated, which I will discuss in the following article.
There Really Are Some Men Who Never Stopped Loving Their Wives When They Cheated: Wives often can not begin to understand how you can love someone and then betray them. We don't understand this, and can not fathom it, because we ourselves would never betray our spouse. Our mind simply can't go to this place in the same way our actions and behaviors would never take us down this road.
However, I have many men and husbands who have cheated also visit my blog. Many message me privately. And, I don't know them and am not their wife. They have no incentive or reason to lie to me. I'm certainly not going to speak to their wife on their behalf as I don't know any of them. But what they almost always tell me is how sorry they are and how they are so ashamed of their behavior and how their number one priority right now is figuring out how to fix this.
Now granted, serial cheaters or men who don't care about making this up to their wife are probably not going to find my site, so I'm not hearing from these men. I'm not saying that they don't exist because I know that they do. But I also know that many men are able to separate the other person from their wives and their marriages. They often don't see the affair as a real relationship that has any emotional give and take involved. They see it as a response to a personal crisis that was separate from their wife and their marriage.
And they often don't anticipate any one getting hurt. But, when someone does get hurt, and this someone is you, it often is only then that they realize just what they have done. Suddenly it hits them what a huge mistake they have made. And they are being honest when they say that they never stopped loving you and that one thing had nothing to do with the other – at least in their own minds.
These are usually the type of men who cheat only once and then when they realize the devastation it caused, vow to never cheat again and to reevaluate their marriage and their priorities so that they can fix this. And it's from these same men that you see certain behaviors, which I'll discuss more below.
It's Your Husband's Actions, Not His Words, Which Will Show You That He Still Loves You After Making The Mistake Of Cheating: We all know that most people will say and do anything to talk their way out of a situation such as this. And, you also know that you have to take what he says with a grain of salt, because very recently, he was lying to you. But, it's often a husband's actions over time that tells you more than any words could ever say.
A man who is truly sorry about the cheating and who still loves his wife will change his priorities so that he's putting the marriage and his wife first. He will immediately cut all ties with the other person and he will change his schedule and his habits so that they are more in line with his values and with his priorities to your marriage. He will do whatever he needs to do to help you to heal and recover. He will have patience and he will not push you or do things that will cause you additional pain.
You will see his shifting priorities in his day to day life. He will not be secretive or resentful. He will know that this situation is of his own making and are his own fault. And, he takes full responsibility for this. He doesn't hint that any of this was your fault or that you could have avoided this. He knows that it was him who made this mistake and he knows that it's his job to rectify this.
And, he doesn't do this through words. He tells you instead by making your his priority, by offering you reassurance, by getting both of you the help or the tools that you need and by reminding you, every day, no matter how angry and distant you are, that he's going to wait this out for as long as it takes because he knows that you are worth it and that you are what he really wants.
He will show you that he believes this over time by making good on these promises. He knows that he has a lot of catching up to do, but you'll find that he's accountable, willing to do what it takes, and knows he has no right to place a time line on this. Sometimes, you will have to spell this out for your husband. Some men have good intentions but aren't perceptive enough to read your cues. It can be frustrating to spell this out, but honestly, it's the only way to ensure that you get what you need. You're usually better off speaking up than remaining silent, disappointed, and resentful.
I know that dealing with his cheating and the doubts, no matter when it happened, can be very challenging and painful, but it can truly be worth it. Although I never would've believed this two years ago, I did eventually truly get over the affair. My marriage is stronger than ever. It took a lot of work, and I had to play the game to win, but it was worth it. Because of all the work I did on myself, my self esteem is at an all time high. I no longer worry my husband will cheat again. You can read a very personal story on my blog at http://surviving-the-affair.com/
About the Author
Katie Lersch writes articles about moving past an affair. Her corresponding blog is at http://surviving-the-affair.com/
