human telepathy
How to Train Your Human
By Tigger Cat
Most of us cats have humans as pets and house slaves. They are not much use unless they are well schooled and trained. Most cats know instinctively how this is done. I am going to write it down in ‘human’ sothere is an official record of the correct methods to use.
Firstly: The tools of the trade.
The Full Claw. The Half Claw, The Scratch, The bite, The Threatened Bite, The Hiss, The Spit, The growl, The Yeowal, The Meow and The Mew.
It is with the correct combination and use of the above tools that humans are broken in and subsequently schooled. Basic training consists of them being taught to Open Doors on Command. Pull the heads of dinnertins, neatly lay out our dinner bowls when required and clean our grit trays before they become too rank to use.
Opening Doors: Stand at the door and mew. If no response, you then meow and rise to a Yeowal. If still no response, stand on you back legs and scratch the door. Start to tear at any carpet or floor covering by the said door. Only the most stupid human fails to ‘get the message’ at this stage. If so get a new human.
Pulling the heads of dinnertins: Trail behind you human, walk in and out of their legs, meow continually. If no response, try knocking your empty dinner bowl around. Most slide about with only as slight flick of the paw and make a delightful clattering noise. This nearly always gets therequired response.
The final fallback is to go hunting. Fill you den with the dead bodies of meeces, rats, rabbits and every bird you can catch. The smell of rotting bodies will have an effect of your human. He or she will soon catch on to the fact that it is far more hygienic to properly feed you than spend time cleaning up dead bodies.
Cleaning the Grit Tray. For some reason humans don’t like cleaning grit trays. The smell makes the heave. There is one quick and easy answer to this problem. When your tray needs cleaning and starts to pong inside, be hygienic on the floor just outside your boxes entrance. This message will be quickly understood by your human and the necessary cleansing will take place.
At this stage you can say that your human has been broken in. Schooling, however, is far more subtle and takes much longer to perfect.
Schooling is teaching a human to pre perceive your requirements and perform such tasks without having to be physically commanded so to do. This is where you should introduce our main method of communication, telepathy. To do so you must obtain the full attention though they must be in a relaxed state.
Jump on your humans knee and get his or herattention by using the half claw. Now stare directly into his or her eyes and relax. Your human will relax when you gradually reduce the length of your half claw. Now send your first telepathic message. It should be “I want you to gently stroke, tickle my head and ears and make a fuss of me”.
You may have to have several goes at the ‘first communication’ but eventually your signals will get through. Now it is just a case of practice and more practice.
I have got to the stage where I dictate my newsletter and my diary directly to my human. He taps the keys for me to put these into the internet. Don’t ask me what the internet is, I haven’t got a clue.
So if you want a copy it will be in a PDF file. PDF stands for (P)aws (D)on’t (F)it the keyboard. My human says you can have ‘word’ if you want it.
About me Tigger. To find out more got to
I will send you a Free copy of my Newsletter. Just send me a meowmail and I will send you a copy be returnand
About the Author:
About me Tigger. To find out more go to http://www.thetiggercat.co.uk
I will send you a Free copy of my Newsletter. Just meowmail me and I will send you a copy be return
Article Source: ArticlesBase.com - How to train your human
